veracity

I'll always be right and I'll always be left

can't wrap my mind around my own concepts

you'll always be wrong but I'll drag you along

I'm not mysterious, I'm delirious

there's no air down here where I am, so I'll breathe through you

fill up your lungs with something new

just don't mistake my sarcasm for truth

I'll make a joke, you'll laugh- ha ha- but it's really not funny

I'll find a cloud in the sky no matter how sunny

you say you get me and you understand

but I've got a million problems and half aren't my own

I'll leave you outside and not throw you a bone

til its too late- I've made a mistake, I'm all alone

I want you back, can't take this heart attack

but you're gone and I'm wrong, and I won't admit it

so here in my wallowing ways I will stubbornly sit

I'll kick up the dust as things start rust

anything from the past to spark up a clash and break up the silence

memories and nostalgia make a great crutch

but it's a translucent dream and neither of us can get much sleep

you've turned your back on me, walked far down that trail

followed those marks that they all left before you

and surely leaving your own for those yet to come

burning them into my entity

so don't tell me you'll stay, don't rest a foot on my welcome mat

save us both the pain of playing my game

there's much to be lost but nothing to gain

I'll pull you in then push you away

then beg for you back amidst the disarray

I'll be fine, don't you worry about me

that's a lie, but I've been here before; it's a familiar chore

cleaning up the shattered pieces of this revolving door

and this is all that's in store

everything's still spinning, I'm dizzy and down on my knees

so, please, if there's anything left to save, let it be your words.

you've jumped over the hedge, seen that I'm on a ledge

it's too much for you to handle, and I can't really blame you

now here comes the heartbreak and confusion

I told you my jokes weren't really that funny

welcome to rock bottom, I don't hear you laughing now

nothing shines as bright as it did on the surface, does it?

so go ahead and call me cold, indecisive, and heartless

I've heard it all before, and I won't deny it

I saw you leaving as soon as you walked in the door

I'm tired of being right and I'm tired of being left.

but it's hard to keep on going once you run out of directions.

.....I'm stuck.

reverberating footsteps.

sooooo I'm really sick of being so fucking unhappy all the damn time.

I miss being able to trust people. I miss not being so broken and worn down. Not having everyone shit all over me. I miss being at home with the people I love; just having people who are there for me. I miss not being so emotional and tearing up at the slightest thing. I miss being comfortable. I hate being stuck in this cold and volatile hell. I hate how cold and bitter I am.

i don't care how pathetic and whiny this sounds.... no one understands me. no one laughs at my stupid jokes or gets my constant sarcasm. no one understands why it's so hard for me.... why i CAN'T be happy. i don't even know who i am anymore. i'm lost. i avoid mirrors, i can't even look the stranger i see there in the face. sometimes i just sit back and ask myself what the fuck i'm doing with my life. i don't have an answer. i'm so disappointed in myself. i'm supposed to be stronger than this. i'm not supposed to let this stuff get to me. i learned a long time ago i don't need anybody.... so why do i feel like i do now? i miss myself. the girl i used to be. the girl that didn't do anything she didn't want to do. who could laugh off mockery and continue stubbornly on her way without any inhibitions. who never shed a tear, because she wouldn't show that weakness even if no one was there. the girl that didn't need anybody, who was comfortable in her solitude. the girl that WAS a crutch, not the one that needed one. now my heart is frozen over and my walls have gone up, not letting anyone watch as the city crumbles inside. i don't trust anybody... they're all going to hurt me. no one has my best interests in mind, so why give them my time of day? why put myself out there to be ridiculed and misunderstood? and then left. because that's what people do. they build you up then leave you; alone and broken.

and you..... words can't even describe how much i hate you for what you've done to me. why!? TELL ME WHY. you have ruined my life. you are the most FUCKING SELFISH person i know. you are a pompous asshole and you will rot in your own misery deep down in the whole you've dug yourself. i hope all your worthless material shit is enough to keep you company down there, cus that's all you're gonna be left with. don't you see what you're doing to everyone!?!?! how can you do this. how are you even human?? do you have a heart???? you are a monster. i wish i could cut all my ties to you. i wish i could wash your blood out of my veins. you were never there. dont act like you were. just stay out of my life. and theirs too. if you fucking ruin him, if you take him away from me i swear THAT i will never ever forgive you for. you are sick. corrupting the innocent, dragging your own kin down with you. i feel sorry for you. so why dont you put that in your bowl and smoke it.