Post-Grad Return

Oh yeah......... I have a blog.

So, naturally, I completely forgot about this blog and left it cold, alone, and abandoned the day after I made it. Typical.

So..... I'm at college. wtf? it still doesn't feel real. here's the first 2.5 weeks of my college experience in a nutshell:

I don't have friends. high point is the tip of a dreadfully boring needle under a microscope with campus walls that close in on you and cliques of people that close you off and mediocre food. oh wait.... its just like high school!!! or, more specifically, my sophomore year at battlefield.

but despite all this, i'm trying to stay open-minded about this whole thing. take my sophomore year at battlefield, for example. yes, it may have been the worst year of my life, but i overcame it and ultimately became a stronger, more self-sufficient person and met the best friends i've ever had in my life. but that took a long time. and this is college. most of the people here came in in the same boat as me, not knowing anyone. but somehow THEY'VE managed to find friends. i honestly think that i'm socially retarded. like seriously, i am unnaturally bad at making friends. i guess (and i'm not trying to sound cocky here; quite the opposite, actually) i just expect everyone to flock towards me and kneel before me and beg for my friendship. hahaha... ok, maybe nothing that extreme. but this is typical of my lazy behavior. i don't know how to go out there and work towards finding friends because i don't know how to go out there and work towards doing ANYTHING. with that said, you'd think it'd be easy for me to fix this problem and go get myself some friends. not so much. i don't know HOW to change this about myself. its something engrained into me, part of my entity. its just the way i've always been. so i just keep reminding myself of sophomore year.... how in the end, everything worked out. but i'm worried i won't be as lucky this time. what if i'm stuck here all four years miserably wasting away my parent's money on this overpriced education with a bunch of fake people who will never be my friends, just for the sake of being optimistic? some days, transferring to tech seems like SUCH a good idea. but i really don't want to give up on high point, i WANT to make it work here. and i'm not MISERABLE......okay.....95% of the time i'm not miserable.

i guess only time will tell.